Note of today: 2019-04-17

Why am I teasing myself? I look at ads and open each link just to see photo and… for what else? I’ll never buy one for myself, it’s pathetic. But to show what I want. Why? I’m pathetic. I do act pathetically. How can I be string and independent?
Meanwhile I’m not looking forward for tomorrow.

Note of today: 2019-04-15

It was hard today. I did want to run away from this, but I couldn’t. Usually I just turn around and fo, to not face the truth and hardship of the moment. But today I couldn’t, I had to face it, even that I tried.

The other thing that was borhering me for more time is still here. But I didn’t feed the beast todsy, rather I was busy with the first thing.

Note of today: 2019-04-14


I had the same battle in my head this morning. This time one of the worst case scenarios painted my morning sleep with almost tears. So close to cry just from my thoughts. Well played, head, well played.

Working in a garden helped to clean my brain. The body is tired, the garden is clean. There are places for improvements, but one at a time.

I guess tonight my head will be filled with morning thoughts yet again. When will I solve it?

Note of today: 2019-04-13

DDD3B29E-FD36-48AE-93BA-978EC1070C51I joke about wanting a jewellery, but deep inside it’s not a joke. I do.

I want so much that I want to stop want things.

If I look deep in my heart, I want one thing that my head doesn’t accept. How could it be that controversial? And how can I solve this paradox for myself? First, I need to make the decision for myself, then I can tell it loud. I’m trying to solve it in my head alone for the past 6-7 month and it doesn’t move. I want to scream, I want to argue, I want to be furious, but it will not solve the problem.