Thoughts: Uncomfortable Conversations

As usual I was wasting my weekend by watching everything on youtube. I always do it – to spend time, to entertain myself, “to be productive”, etc. Anything, but not live my life. I know that, this is my flaw.

Anyways, I found a video about a book 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson. It’s not a short description of the book, but more a perspective of the author of the youtube channel.

One think that I really liked in this video is telling the truth. Especially telling the truth to yourself and don’t avoid uncomfortable conversations. I decided to make a list of things that I’m avoiding constantly. It was hard and uncomfortable for sure.

Here is my list:

  • Photo storage. I avoided it so much, that I had to stop taking photos, because there is no space on my phone. As a result, I don’t have photos from our vacation.
  • Studying and learning. I don’t why! I have a guess… when I was in school and university, everything that I did was for my parents, not for myself. All the study was for somebody else, but not for me. Which gave me a habit to force myself for somebody. And I thing now I got a connection in my brain “study = force myself against my will”.
  • A relationship talk. This is so deep, I’ll not explain it.

Hehe. Seems to look random and small. I have just started. It’s just a beginning. I want to explore myself. I want to know myself.

I have started with the first one. Now I have enough space to take photos! Yey! First – strike.


A buying urge

It’s so weird to feel an urge to buy!

Recently I found myself in desperate feeling to buy a SPF protection and foundation. I never use foundation. I need SPF protection, but I have some at home. And it is so weird, that no matter if I know that I don’t need a thing, but I still want to buy it!

For example. In my wishlist I added a steamer. I want a steamer for a while now. I even subscribed to get an email if the steamer will be in stock. But do I need it? Is it a need? No. I lived without it and didn’t need an iron too. Yes, sometimes it’s a nice thing to have, but it’s not a need.

The same goes with BareMinerals veil. I don’t need it, I lived without it. And I remember how I struggle with my dry skin and mineral(basically any powder) foundation. And! Recently I made a quick research and found that maybe it’s not so good, as I thought. But still!! Still I want to buy it!! Isn’t it amazing?!

How to deal with an urge? I don’t know. So far I tried to just observe my urge. Do nothing. Just observe. I want it to work, I want an observation to work.


Vegan so far

To be honest I’m not a vegan. I’m doing my best in a situation, but I don’t push myself or force a situation to follow my values every single time. If there are only vegetarian options, I’ll take them. If I’m going to friends house, I don’t tell them that I require something special to be prepared for me. No. I’m not that kind of person.

I don’t want to stress about every detail. No. I want to live. And live with a comfort, but still pushing a bit further every time. Just a bit. Learn on my mistakes.

And yes, I like to be a vegan!

No Spend Year

2018-02-19 is a start day of No Spend Year.
2018-02-25 I bought watercolors, brushes and paper for my kid.

I need to set the rules for myself, otherwise it will not work.

Allowed list:

  1. Food
  2. A kitten, a toilet, a leash for the kitten, an insurance for a new kitten(it was planned a way before the challenge)
  3. Bills
  4. Medicine
  5. Travel tickets(as usual – a travel to my parents)
  6. Presents for birthdays(since I know whom I’m going to buy presents, it makes sense to make a list before)

Not allowed list:

  1. Clothes
  2. Electronics
  3. Cosmetics
  4. Restaurants, cafes
  5. House improvements

My wishlist. Through this year I’m going to put some thing in a wishlist. It will be a tracking list of what I want and I’m expecting the list to change my mind with time.

My expectations. I want to spend less time in a searching mode, constantly searching for something to improve my life and life of my family. I want to save more money, since my life situation has changed so much and it would be nice to save more, but I need to set a goal for savings.

Let’s go!

Everything that is recommended

Recently I’m thinking about doing everything that is recommended. Like they say exercising regularly is good for the health, like flossing twice a day is good for the oral hygiene, like stop eating two hours before bed is good for the digestion, and so on and so on.

I am a person who is too lazy and scared(?) to change something in life, but still knows that it’s better to do it, but never does it. Here I am. Now I’m too old and too experienced(wise?) to refuse the change. It’s time to act.

Need a plan.

Let’s start planning!

Vegan? Vegan.


I don’t know what to say except that i want to try be a vegan. I tried it before, for a week or so, but i didn’t commit fully. This time i want to do it for real.

Yesterday i watched a tiny fact video about milk industry that reminded me about everything. I knew it before, nothing was new. And hek! i spend all summers at my grandparents farm. I knew about cows and all this juzz, but never though about it in that context. I mean in a vegan and cruelty context. It’s horrible! And disgusting!

I don’t how i will do that if my family are not vegan. They are kind of vegetarian, like they eat fish and meat occasionally, because we have only vegetarian food at home. Let’s say they are 70% vegetarians. They love cheese(so do i, or did?) and milk. And i don’t want to force them to go vegan because i said like this. So it means that i’ll be surrounded with cheese and butter. Hope i’ll remember the video forever and it’s set in stone in my brain.

Wish me the best and a patience!

A Year of Achiever

I started thinking about 2017 year and what do i want to archive. But first, to think about the future, i need to reflect on the past. What did i do in 2016? What did i archive?

Nobody taught me how to reflect and even that need to do that or one can do that. So saying short, i’m a nubbie here.

Back to 2016. Highlights of the year: moving to a new apartment, being fired, being blessed with lovely friends, starting a new job in a new area, having a personal trainer for a half a year. Now it looks like i had a pretty intense year. But for some reason i’m still not happy or better to say satisfied with the results. Mostly because i didn’t put any goal and i haven’t achieved it, so no surprises. Welllll, to be honest, i did, i putted some goals, but never believed in them and almost immediately forgot them. Even now i don’t remember what was it.

But before i start with the goals for 2017 i need to think about the legacy. Lately each time when i remember about some not finished project/task i put it in the list – Not Finished Projects. Trust me, it’s a big list. Everyone knows if you give a week to finish a task, it’ll take a week to finish; if you give a couple of days – it’ll take a couple of days. My point is that if i give a whole year to finish those tasks, and i don’t want to spend a year only to finish something and without creating/producing something new. So. I need a timeframe for finishing staff and a time limit to start something new.

One more “rule” – i want to have a specific and measurable goals. As they say, If You Can’t Measure It, You Can’t Manage It.

SMART Goals: Specific, Measurable, Assignable, Realistic, Time-related.

  1. Finish “Not Finished Projects” tasks.
    S: Review the list, finish all the tasks. M: 67 tasks. A: Me. R: Yes. T: 1 month – January 2017
  2. Make a split.
    S: Make a front split. M: Yes. A: Me. R: Yes. T: 1 month – February 2017
  3. No shopping 2017
    S: No shopping, except necessities(food, fixed bills, etc). M: Yes. A: Me. R: Yes. T: 1 year – 2017
  4. Read 12 books from the list
    S: Read one book per month from my list. M: 12 books a year. A: Me. R: Yes. T: 1 year – 2017
  5. Finish SFI
    S: Graduate SFI with D level. M: Yes. A: Me. R: Yes. T: 4 months(depending when the course will start)

And one more which couldn’t be SMART – To be a person whom i want to be.

Next step is only acting!