Thoughts: Uncomfortable Conversations

As usual I was wasting my weekend by watching everything on youtube. I always do it – to spend time, to entertain myself, “to be productive”, etc. Anything, but not live my life. I know that, this is my flaw.

Anyways, I found a video about a book 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson. It’s not a short description of the book, but more a perspective of the author of the youtube channel.

One think that I really liked in this video is telling the truth. Especially telling the truth to yourself and don’t avoid uncomfortable conversations. I decided to make a list of things that I’m avoiding constantly. It was hard and uncomfortable for sure.

Here is my list:

  • Photo storage. I avoided it so much, that I had to stop taking photos, because there is no space on my phone. As a result, I don’t have photos from our vacation.
  • Studying and learning. I don’t why! I have a guess… when I was in school and university, everything that I did was for my parents, not for myself. All the study was for somebody else, but not for me. Which gave me a habit to force myself for somebody. And I thing now I got a connection in my brain “study = force myself against my will”.
  • A relationship talk. This is so deep, I’ll not explain it.

Hehe. Seems to look random and small. I have just started. It’s just a beginning. I want to explore myself. I want to know myself.

I have started with the first one. Now I have enough space to take photos! Yey! First – strike.

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A buying urge

It’s so weird to feel an urge to buy!

Recently I found myself in desperate feeling to buy a SPF protection and foundation. I never use foundation. I need SPF protection, but I have some at home. And it is so weird, that no matter if I know that I don’t need a thing, but I still want to buy it!

For example. In my wishlist I added a steamer. I want a steamer for a while now. I even subscribed to get an email if the steamer will be in stock. But do I need it? Is it a need? No. I lived without it and didn’t need an iron too. Yes, sometimes it’s a nice thing to have, but it’s not a need.

The same goes with BareMinerals veil. I don’t need it, I lived without it. And I remember how I struggle with my dry skin and mineral(basically any powder) foundation. And! Recently I made a quick research and found that maybe it’s not so good, as I thought. But still!! Still I want to buy it!! Isn’t it amazing?!

How to deal with an urge? I don’t know. So far I tried to just observe my urge. Do nothing. Just observe. I want it to work, I want an observation to work.

/O

Vegan so far

To be honest I’m not a vegan. I’m doing my best in a situation, but I don’t push myself or force a situation to follow my values every single time. If there are only vegetarian options, I’ll take them. If I’m going to friends house, I don’t tell them that I require something special to be prepared for me. No. I’m not that kind of person.

I don’t want to stress about every detail. No. I want to live. And live with a comfort, but still pushing a bit further every time. Just a bit. Learn on my mistakes.

And yes, I like to be a vegan!

Everything that is recommended

Recently I’m thinking about doing everything that is recommended. Like they say exercising regularly is good for the health, like flossing twice a day is good for the oral hygiene, like stop eating two hours before bed is good for the digestion, and so on and so on.

I am a person who is too lazy and scared(?) to change something in life, but still knows that it’s better to do it, but never does it. Here I am. Now I’m too old and too experienced(wise?) to refuse the change. It’s time to act.

Need a plan.

Let’s start planning!