Again vegan

Lately I began to eat more cheese. And eggs. Or rather, dishes with eggs, but pure cheese. I hate myself for that! Why do I do this? Hate it. I think to surround myself with a lot of sources of information about health benefites of vegan diet. Hope will work.

Personal about the blog

I am reading an amazing book right now. It’s about a lot of topics – racism, woman’s role, immigration, etc. At least I see it in that light. Like everything in life, a perception of a book is based on a reader’s experience and opinions. But I want to talk about another thing. The main character became a blogger and she writes about a topic that matters to her and it’s sort of a therapy for her. And that strickes me! I mean I have a blog, why not I use it as a therapy and a platform to channelise my sores? So here you go. I give it a try again.

I will have grammar errors – english is not my mother language. I will have unpopular opinions – hey, it’s my blog. I will have topics that matter to me – again, it’s my blog.

I’m not why I keep the blog since I never write here. I’m too affraid to write personal things – like about diabetes, about mom’s pain, about job and money fears, about self fulfilment, etc. I’m affraid like somebody could discover that part of me and I could be vulnerable. But could I be stronger from that instead? Can one be publicly vulnerable and personaly stronger?

Self-reflecting after The Style Resolutions 2021

After reading the latest article from Of A Certain Vintage I have so many thoughts that I want to reflect on.

I want things like they will solve something. But i believe they do, but i know they will fix a small thing that is not important. Am i afraid of having a third kid?

Self-care is often a very unbeautiful thing. It is making a spreadsheet of your debt, enforcing a morning routine, cooking yourself healthy meals, and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction solution. It is sweating through a workout or confronting a toxic friend, getting a second job to save money, or figuring out a way to accept yourself so that you are not constantly exhausted from trying to be everything all of the time. True self-case is not salt baths and chocolate cake. it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to escape from, and that sometimes means doing the ugliest thing you have to do.

Brianna Wiest

I’m so desperate about things, stuff. I call myself minimalist, but I buy more and more since we moved to the apartment. Like I try to avoid to stop and fix my own problems, but instead I fix my apartment environment. It is sort of a work that would be nice to do, but not necessary.

I’m afraid to look in my own eyes and say the truth. I would like to understand what is the truth that I’m avoiding like crazy and eating it out.

I’m bad with diabetes again. Second pregnancy when I give up and put the blame on doctors or external factor, but not on myself. I gain alot again and it makes me feel bad about my self control.

Even now when I’m writing this, I want to open a website and read and forget what I was writing.

I’m thinking about this self-care quote. I want to act on it, but I’m afraid of failure. All my life I’m afraid of failure. That is the truth. I don’t play games because I’m afraid to loose. I start playing only if I know I have a very high chance to win. I don’t start a project because I’m afraid to fail. And people will laugh at my pathetic attempts. I’m so afraid. I even see it right now in my daughter and I hate this part of her “why cannot she just try?”. I see myself in her and I hate this part of me.